a bit of grace

The random musings of Kate Grace

Time for some dirt under this writer’s fingernails

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison

I visited NYC recently, as I’ve mentioned previously in entries, and it took some time to fully digest all the information that week presented to me. Last week was interesting. I was thinking big thoughts and asking myself some tough questions. The biggest of these being:

“What is my dream now?”

Somewhere between being a little girl who would run her fingers over the hardcover books in the “big kids” section of the library long before her time, and growing into the adult I am now that uses yoga breathing and focus techniques in order to meet “way-too-skinny-jeans” tight deadlines, I freeze dried my dream of becoming a writer.

As the industry changed and grew and evolved (and my understanding of it became the realization of my lack thereof), my dream remained unchanging and lifeless. Mummified in my heart and projected as a dot on the horizon line at the end of my life’s projected path.

I’ve been running towards it. And when I say running, I mean running at top speed, you guys. Arms pumping. Sweat dripping over my brow’s sudden drop. The occasional toe-drag trip up, cause lets face it, I’m not so good at running.

I became so focused on the task of running, I never stopped to breathe and ask myself:

“When I get there, will I be happy? Is ‘there’ somewhere I want to be?”

Oh, Artists. We’re a sad lot, aren’t we? We can become so focused on the task, we lose sight of the inspiration (or vice versa). At least I do. I remember in high school when an alumni came back to give us a chat. It was a performing and creative arts high school and the alumni was (is) a successful actress. She said:

“If you can be happy doing anything else, do that. Not this.”

That I don’t agree with. I don’t think it’s that black and white. And just an interesting tid bit: There is one black. And there is one white. However, there are as many shades and tints of gray as there are colors in the world. Try counting that shit some time.

I live in the gray areas of life, which is a point of frustration for those who know me and have to work with that from time to time. It’s just who I am. And although the dream young Kate mastered up while hanging unicorn and pegasus Scholastic book fair posters in her room is still in tact, this fabulous creative landscape we have at our disposal is begging to be experimented with.

There is nothing, in my mind, that can replace the feeling of book spine after book spine rolling under my fingertips like a bass drum rhythm. I’m not saying replace, but I am saying embrace.

I’m “grabbing my overalls” and challenging myself to think in new ways, and for now on will allow my “dream”, my point on the horizon, the freedom to breathe and move and morph as I go.

“I’ll be happy there… wherever ‘there’ ends up being.”

7 comments on “Time for some dirt under this writer’s fingernails

  1. bree ogden
    March 7, 2011

    This was beautifully written.

  2. Rebekah Joy Plett
    March 8, 2011

    Did you ever know that you’re my hero? You’re everything I would like to be? I can fly higher than an eagle…etc etc.

    This is a really great post and thanks for posting it. I think some people (and I’m speaking very generally here) like the IDEA of being an author but don’t like the process of being an author.

    You are amazing and I can’t wait to see where you go next with ANYTHING! Also, I still eagerly await my turn to read your mastery. Waiting. Waiting. WAITING!

    • Kate Grace
      March 8, 2011

      I think where I got a little lost is knowing what sort of person you want to be while wearing the skin of an author.

      It’s so easy to reach out to your arm’s limits and feel as if your dream is only a few more inches away… just beyond your fingertips, and thus let go of yourself (your grounding) for what you reason will be just a moment to reach that little bit more.

  3. Lisa
    March 9, 2011

    Kate, I’ve been thinking about this piece since you first posted it. I know just what you are saying, although I can’t put it in words nearly as eloquently as you did. Your reply to Rebekah is priceless: “I think where I got a little lost is knowing what sort of person you want to be while wearing the skin of an author.” Being a writer is such a complex, simultaneously public and private thing. It’s not always easy to figure out.

    All I know for sure is that those many shades of gray are where the interesting stuff happens.

    Thanks for this post. Ole to you and your morphing dream.

    • Kate Grace
      March 10, 2011

      Thank you, Lisa. It’s an interesting landscape – both externally and internally.

  4. Pingback: Burden of the Soul by Kate Grace, Coming this Summer « a bit of grace

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This entry was posted on March 7, 2011 by in Uncategorized.
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