The random musings of Kate Grace
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
I visited NYC recently, as I’ve mentioned previously in entries, and it took some time to fully digest all the information that week presented to me. Last week was interesting. I was thinking big thoughts and asking myself some tough questions. The biggest of these being:
“What is my dream now?”
Somewhere between being a little girl who would run her fingers over the hardcover books in the “big kids” section of the library long before her time, and growing into the adult I am now that uses yoga breathing and focus techniques in order to meet “way-too-skinny-jeans” tight deadlines, I freeze dried my dream of becoming a writer.
As the industry changed and grew and evolved (and my understanding of it became the realization of my lack thereof), my dream remained unchanging and lifeless. Mummified in my heart and projected as a dot on the horizon line at the end of my life’s projected path.
I’ve been running towards it. And when I say running, I mean running at top speed, you guys. Arms pumping. Sweat dripping over my brow’s sudden drop. The occasional toe-drag trip up, cause lets face it, I’m not so good at running.
I became so focused on the task of running, I never stopped to breathe and ask myself:
“When I get there, will I be happy? Is ‘there’ somewhere I want to be?”
Oh, Artists. We’re a sad lot, aren’t we? We can become so focused on the task, we lose sight of the inspiration (or vice versa). At least I do. I remember in high school when an alumni came back to give us a chat. It was a performing and creative arts high school and the alumni was (is) a successful actress. She said:
“If you can be happy doing anything else, do that. Not this.”
That I don’t agree with. I don’t think it’s that black and white. And just an interesting tid bit: There is one black. And there is one white. However, there are as many shades and tints of gray as there are colors in the world. Try counting that shit some time.
I live in the gray areas of life, which is a point of frustration for those who know me and have to work with that from time to time. It’s just who I am. And although the dream young Kate mastered up while hanging unicorn and pegasus Scholastic book fair posters in her room is still in tact, this fabulous creative landscape we have at our disposal is begging to be experimented with.
There is nothing, in my mind, that can replace the feeling of book spine after book spine rolling under my fingertips like a bass drum rhythm. I’m not saying replace, but I am saying embrace.
I’m “grabbing my overalls” and challenging myself to think in new ways, and for now on will allow my “dream”, my point on the horizon, the freedom to breathe and move and morph as I go.
“I’ll be happy there… wherever ‘there’ ends up being.”